Jasper true feelings about Bella
by independent angel of hearts
Summary: Jasper was actually lying about his feeling towards Bella because he did not want to source of their family separating? Realizing that Bella going to get married and it makes him want to tell her. M for bad language and sexual contents for later chapters
1. Chapter 1:Things are so complicated

**Authors note: I came up with this idea think through the entire story. This is my first story. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight if I did I would have a fortune right now, ****Stephenie Meyer is ingenious.**

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Chapter 1 : things are so complicated

Jpov

I have been hiding something from the entire family. Something I know feel is wrong but I cannot change how I feel. During her first day at forks high, it was love at first. There was no doubt in my mind when I saw her big brown eyes which were more alive then most .I had to hide my thoughts I just couldn't believe what I felt towards this girl that I have never met before . You can easily tell she hates being in the spotlight. Poor thing was sitting next to vilest girl in this school, Jessica Stanley who easily putting up I am your friend act because of this girl popularity but only truly has malice for her. Then I heard her voice it reminded me that sugar and honey the sweetest voice I have ever heard.

"Who are they?"

She said looking directly at us. I saw Edward turn to look at them for a moment and she look down from embarrassment at being caught looking at a stranger. Edward turned to speak to us but I was not paying attention in the slightest Jessica was telling her our names and talking about our lives. Luckily she is to dimwitted to realize what we truly are. I looked around noticing that every boy was looking at her with lust oozing off him in buckets. Pretty much most girls were feeling malice like Jessica. Then she asked about Edward and I felt twinge of jealousy but tried not to let it show. Jessica starting talking again I started to feel the boredom and start to zone out. A few minutes later, we leave for our classes but I cannot stop thinking about her how her skin is unusually pale looking as if she were frail as a china doll. How beautiful her hair is and how I want to run up to her and kiss her. Nevertheless, I know it could never be I am married to Alice she was the light that saved me from my gruesome past of power, blood, and self-hatred. I know I love alike but it scares me that I love this girl more and I barely know her. In the hallways, she was the topic by the sheep like boys of this school. They pretty much asked,

"Who is the new girl with the brown eyes and chestnut brown hair."

"Isabella Swan but she likes to be called Bella."

They pretty much responded the same in every case. Bella that name fits her so well. Going to class, I felt as if I would die from the boredom if I were not technically already dead. However, my mind never stopped thinking of her. From That day onward even after Edward ran away for the rest of that week after smelling her next to him that first day. I did not think of him much still. In the end seeing how their love for each other has grown. Seeing Edward saving her countless of times before and her saving him from his own suicide mission in Volterra, Italy. Even though he left her alone for half a year broken and a shell of whom she was I could see that. In addition, it was my fault that she had that pain in her heart. It is my fault she still has a fear of him leaving her. It is my fault she had to turn to werewolves for friendship and for her safety. Thankfully she's pretty safe now the war is over and she's pretty safe for now. But it's a month until her wedding I have feel like I need to tell her how I feel. That I stay away from her because I love her and I want to show her. But I can't with Edward always around. I just wish we could try to have some alone time. I looked around I was deep in the woods and I knew I needed to get home before there they started getting worried. It was dark enough that I knew all the humans were sleeping and no one could possibly be here or on the roads. So I ran home as quickly as possible maybe Emmett wants to x-box or something. They light were on as usual the house seem peacefully happy. I open the door I see Emmett and Rosalie together on the couch cuddling and sneaking kisses. Bella was laying curled up in Edwards lap getting close to sleep Edward was talking to Alice about something while holding her .I went over to do the TV which wasn't even on I lowered the volume and put in Fight Night Round 3 turned on the x-box 360 .

"So Jasper are you trying to get your ass kick in this game?" Emmett said breaking away from Rosalie as he said it.

"No cause I'm going to win."

I know I will come on, Rose will distract him the whole time, I thought to myself. As we were start to get into the game I knew Edward had taken Bella to their room so she can sleep. Then I notice somebody was tapping my shoulder; then after a whole minute of the tapping I sighed. Turned and Alice was behind me and she was annoyed. She pointed up and went to our room with out a word.

"Oh your so dead Jasper, Alice can't even speak to you, run away while you got the chance." Emmett said laughing at me. Rosalie slapped him behind the head.

"Don't give him any idea Emmett or you're going end up in worse trouble then him." Alice snarled menacingly.

"You better go before Alice comes and drags you out here herself." Rosalie said trying to save me from even consequences.

I walked up stair praying she wouldn't kill me when I got there. When I open the door Alice was still steaming mad she pointed at the spot next to her on the bed. I sat down trying to calm down Alice but I knew it wouldn't work.

"Jasper I was trying to tell you something that's important and you ignore me. You're lucky I'm not hitting you. Were going hunting for a week and your staying behind to watch Bella since you just hunted a few days ago."

"Okay." I said defeated.

"were leaving in the morning after she's had breakfast. Edward will give you rules for her basically don't let her out your sight or let her go to La push."

I nodded. I just lay on the bed just thinking of my past of all the mistakes of my weakness until morning. Thinking of all the people whose lives I've taken in my past.

"Jasper will you stop moping can come down and say goodbye to us!" Emmett bellowed from downstairs.

I came downstairs looking forlorn from my thoughts.

"Bye Jasper take picture of Bella if she falls for me ." Emmett laughing at that the thought until Edward growled murderously and looking at Bella I can understand. walk out of the house and goes to the jeep.

"Bye Jasper." said Rosalie looking at her self in a mirror before going to the jeep.

_How self absorbed can Rosalie is?_

"Pretty much all the time if we let her." Edward said with a smirk.

_Thank god for Bella if not we will still have gloomy Edward who doesn't smile and ignores the world around him_.

"Yeah I'm grateful too." Edward said peacefully.

"Bye Alice doesn't attack anymore stores with a credit card."

"I won't bye Jazzy."

She kissed me passionately and walks out with a wave; I could help but stare after her.

"Jasper keeps your tongue mouth I have to tell you the rules don't let Bella go to la push, if she wants to go anywhere outside she has to be with you and …"

"Wait a minute do I look like I'm five to you Edward? I can take care of myself." Bella said looking pissed off of being babysat, I can't blame her. "Bella you can barely leave town without someone trying to harm or you harming your self, can you please listen, love."

"All right but you're going to suffer when you get back trust me." By the look of her face and words, I was really scared for Edward.  
His emotions screamed terrified. I sent calm to his way to relax him.

"Thank you like I was saying before if you do run out of food which I doubt, Bella knows where the market is just drive her there and help get what she needs. Keep her safe .Bella don't be mad at me Alice is going to make me plan with her for the wedding that's punishment enough and it was suppose to be you but I knew you need a break ."

Bella looked at him with so surprise she gave him such a passionate kiss that he was trembling from it

He gasped "Bye Bella."

He ran out in fearing of the worse as always . When I heard the running Jeep 150 mph I knew he was really thirsty . "So what do you want to do Bella ?" I asked. "I want to…."

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**Author's note: the next chapter will be Bella's pov . and sorry for the cliff hanger.**


	2. Chapter 2 : finally having fun

Chapter 2 finding something fun to

Author's note: I know I know where I have been. I have been on hiatus jealous exes working on life it is a long story .I am not Stephanie Myers otherwise I would've made Bella three dimensional with a better background. I will make up place at any given time mostly because I am very sure some of the things I have in mind are in the process of being built in the future not right now so bear with me on this one. Expect exaggeration on the character way of life but not their personality not really more life making them truly lift off the page. Theirs slight Renée bashing but let me ask you something anyone ever thinks Bella should never be the one consider the adult in her relationship with her mother. To my readers, who gave up on a new chapter .I am very sorry. On this or my other stories just know I never abandon anything I start. My life and a jealous ex can and will gets in the way sad to say plus writer block. By the way, I realized that I am going to make a poll where you want Bella to point of view of the story every other chapter or only Jasper's view the rest of the story.

Bella P.O.V

Ever since I accept Edward's proposal I have regretted it. Marriage feels like it will destroy our last thread of a relationship we have with each other. When he is near a fog comes near clouding my mind thoughts making it impossible for me to see beyond him. When he is gone hunting, I feel everything that I have gone through at full force. I can see clearly, what he has done to me in the three years of our relationship together. When he has left me, the excuses the distance he puts in our physical relationship. The fact we are almost married and we have never done anything but kiss. Even though were not married it feel like all he wants to do is control me. He tells me what to do, how to act and cannot do because of how clumsy I am. I should have a social life. I have not seen any of my friends from fork high in a while and considering after this summer I can never see them again. I should demand to spend my time with them before they believe I died in a plane crash or whatever the Cullen's have come up with to cover up their disappearance and mine. I love Edward but I could live without him dominating me and almost forcing my personality to submission. The last time I felt like myself uninhabited by the rules Edward seems to enforce unconsciously on me, was when Jacob I hung out the year Edward left me. The adventure, the wildness, and the carefree attitude those were true part of myself. That seems to have gone out the window when Edward and I got into this relationship.

I remember how I used to be when I lived in phoenix. I remember the friends I had and kept in contact with when I left. I remember how I may not have been popular at my high school but everyone recognized me. How my friend would take me out when my mom would get a new boyfriend. How they would invite me over when her latest boyfriend tried of her or broke up with them. My friends were there when I really needed to get out of the house, because having to hear my mother date losers almost repeatedly was unbearable. How we would go out and have fun just Ashley, Paul, Jack, and me. All of us went to movies, rollercoasters, and concerts. I even did things that anyone here would think I lost my mind knowing how clumsy I am I went rock climbing; I went a few times to the city pool to cool off. Anything to take my mind off my mom trading people like baseball cards and the fact I take care of her more than I do myself. It became to be too much when she married Phil; I knew she would probably either screw it up or send me away so not to get in the way of her new husband. I would have been shipped off to my aunt's in New York or worse so I decided living with my dad would be the best. My mother cannot hover over me "trying to make up for lost time." Her words not mine, and I do not think there is a minor league team in Seattle any way. I have no doubt dad missed me and mom no matter how strong he used to seem; when we talked on the phone back then . Moving here while it came with complications and a loss of my friends back home we send messages but it is not the same. I wish Edward were more flexible about marriage about our life together. Seeing my parents my friends parents' marriage they all fail they get bored of each other. no matter what Edward tells me the minute he leaves I know that if push came to shove he would be gone at the first shot he will leave me and this time I'm trapped in this existent endless undead. I would be trapped loving Edward for all of eternity. Therefore, now that he has gone it is time to live like I once I did before I met him in the first place.

" Jasper lets go out and do something fun I heard there is an indoor rollercoaster a mile outside of Seattle considering Alice said a week mostly like it will be two weeks knowing her and shopping for the wedding . And considering they left the one of cars why not take advantage and have some fun even if it's for one day." I was rambling but it has seemed like forever since I had the kind of fun that people my age did.

Jasper gave me a look I have seen on Edward face twice in our entire relationship affection and caring. then I swear I saw his eyes flash blue then turned their normal gold it may have been millisecond but it was there that I was sure of it.

"There's no way I can try to convince you to go somewhere safer a library, an arcade? Somewhere where we know those two will not yell at me for endangering your life? When we get in the car it will be earache all the way to the amusement park." he said with a sigh.

"No not even a little; if anything I will take the heat from them .when they come back from hunting it was my idea. Just put the phone on silent without vibrate out sight out of mind at least until we get back to the house." I give him my most convincing smile. He was contemplating it the rapid mood shifts he was producing told me as much. He turns to me his face told me his mind was set and determined.

"All right lets go what's the name of this place anyway." he said preparing to get ready knowing Seattle is a bit too far to be turning around because we forgot the house keys.

"Evergreen amusement park and don't worry there's signs for it all over the high way that plus the G.P.S all of you put in your cars, we should be fine finding the place". I said with a laugh. I never understand why they would throw all that money around. It just makes me uncomfortable like their trying to buy my love. none the less I pick up my stuff I've never driven with him all alone before the closes would've been the incident in phoenix but even Alice was their the whole time I've never been one on one with him before . I hope that the crowds soothe him even with the mass emotions. I doubt he will try to drain me, I trust his control oddly enough more than Edward does anyway. Let's be frank if he truly wanted to drain me he has had chances especially when they all left he could've came back did me in and made seem like Victoria and Laurent had done it . When we got in the car, I was surprise to see he apparently packed some snacks for the ride there. Weird considering it will probably take thirty minutes with the way the rest of the family drive.

"Alright Bella you got everything you need?"

"Yeah I got my coat my money and my phone just case anyone worries about me."

With that said, he starts Edward's Volvo. Comparing it to the other cars still in garage, it was the less conspicuous one of the group and least like to attract too much attention. The car ride was pleasant. I could truly just enjoy the ride even better that he did not drive at a hundred miles per hour. He stays at the speed limit the whole trip hence the snacks. I asked him why he was not speeding like a maniac

"Since Alice is too busy hunting whether clothes and or animals she would call me ever time cops coming. Nevertheless, knowing her she will not call in time or even notice. even with the all emotion changing I can't completely con my way out of a ticket; plus even I know that you don't like the extreme speed so let's go slow plus if Edward can desensitize himself from your scent and consider he's keeping you human I need to do the same thing ."

"Thanks on both issue that's really considerate of you. I said I could feel something of undercurrent of emotions he is projecting but trying to hide.

The ride was actually fun we listen to the radio and sang along. I decide to watch, a movie apparently a feature Edward had chosen to be unimportant for me to be told. Jasper told me about the TV's and seeing as the radio stations seem lose their area signal and the ones left were half-decent at best. I watched a movie then watched whatever was decent playing. I got the surprise of lifetime when I caught a rerun of I love Lucy and while Jasper could not look at the screen so focused on the road, he would laugh at the jokes and was following along just listening. One of the easier car rides I ever been through. Trying to get parking today, it might be impossible. Today being Saturday one of the most crowded days, but somehow Jasper found a way to park close enough to entrance. Luckily, we left early enough to get here before the stampede at 11 am.

"What do you want to do first Jasper I'm pretty sure I want to go on every ride once but I don't think there is enough time for that?" I say wistfully

"Let try the pirate ride well see if you're ready for anything bigger that."

At least he was not trying to treat me as if I am two days old like everyone else seems to. Maybe when we get to the house back I can talk to him about all this with Edward and everything else. He is at least listening to me and treating me like an equal.

Unbelievably I could not have more fun today. We rode most of the rides. Though Jasper would not ride the ones he thought looked a bit too rickety for his taste, but he was watching out for me with his critical eye. I explained to Jasper I am a bit of adrenaline junkie that I used to go and do stuff like this all the time before I moved here. Cars being something I would not do knowing how many get killed going 100 miles an hour on the highway. He even won me a few prizes at one of the booths with games with his strength it was easy but still I love the gesture that and the menagerie of stuffed animals including the giant stuffed panda bear. When we finally got back to the house, I told Jasper about my friends in Arizona. How it has been awhile since I have had a day like that, just about being carefree and having fun. the tranquility my friends inspired in me and trying to cope with my mom serial dating and bringing dates home; till she married Phil. I told him how sometimes she would go on vacation with these people. She would leave me behind with relatives who lived out of state or halfway across the country. Forcing me to change schools at the last second and not knowing when she would be back. Without care or disregard for my feelings .I even explain the reason for my move here with more in depth detail then I even did with Edward. I felt more comfortable with him then I ever did with Edward. I felt like he was truly listening to my troubles. Actually feeling empathy and sympathy with the way my life has been. Unlike Edward, I think sometimes he is not truly listening but makes a front about it, like he is, but he is probably counting the tiles on the wall. "Jasper After everything I went thoroughly with Edward all theses year James, Victoria, The Volturi, it seems like Edward treats me like a trophy. He does not treat me like his fiancée. We do not go out on dates anymore. The heat that was in our relationship seems to be gone and I doubt he sees it that way he barely notices anything other than my safety anymore. He acts as if he is my father not his equal. I can take care of myself; I was one the taking care of my mom most of my childhood. I am worried one day he will grow tired of me and leave me for good. I am very sure if we get to the honeymoon; he will bite me no matter how much control he believes he has and I will be stuck in love with him for the rest of eternity. Like what happen to Victoria after James destruction. I just do not know what to do Jasper. It is not as if I could talk this out with therapist. They would have me locked before I said what happened. I thought about talk this out with all the members of the family. I know Alice would disregard my feelings as just wedding jitters nothing else. I swear out of the two of us she is the bridezilla here not me and she is not even getting married; I am! Rosalie would be glad to be in the spotlight again with me not marrying Edward. Emmett would understand he would be upset I was not a part of the family but he would not have any helpful advice to offer. Seeing as he is more of a physical being then someone who can help me sort out my feelings about this. Esme would be heartbroken to talk about me possibly not marrying Edward. Carlisle would be upset by it but ultimately understand where I am coming from. Though I think he would push me into marrying him giving me platitudes that my fears are groundless and I have nothing to fear. I am begging you Jasper what do you think I should do is fair to keep going with this wedding knowing that I feel this way."

"Bella I have been married to Alice for almost 50 years. We barely knew each other back then. We were total stranger to one another. It seemed like we married on impulse to stay together above all else. We barely thought about we just did it. She offered me a way out of decay and senseless death. The life I was leading as a general in Marias army. There are days I regret marrying Alice because I know she is not my true soul mate. I doubt she knows about my feeling about her have shifted Edward might have an inclining but will not tell her anything. I am with her now more out obligation then because I love her. There are days I love her but she buys my clothes for me and treats me like a doll. Before you came along more often than not, it was nonstop ken doll dress up time for me. If you do not want to marry Edward, think about it over the week .before you truly make your choice this is a very big decision you have to make and it should not be made rashly or you could live to regret it. Really, think it through before you do. What you say about Edward I don't know about the trophy thing but he shouldn't be treating you like a child if you are going to get married you should be equals nothing less."

"Thanks Jasper I really need to talk this out with someone. I am glad you could lend me an ear." with that last sentiment, I decide to go to sleep and contemplate everything, he just said to me including his relationship. I always thought they were okay, quirky not as affectionate the others but to know Jasper actually unhappy in the relationship. It boggles my mind but I am not completely shocked Alice seems to be a person anyone would get frustrated having in your life. Best friend or not there are days I wish I could scream and run away from her. I hope that in the morning, we will be able to talk about this more and by the week, I will know whether I will marry Edward or not. As I lay my head down on the pillow of the bed in Edwards room. I wonder if Jasper has me his true soul mate at any point in his long existent. With that last thought I let the silence of the house lull me to sleep.


End file.
